Seriously, WTF!
by Ayingott
Summary: What happens at a party, stays there, hopefully. Because really, Akutsu won't be able to live this down. Bottoming to Ryoma, really? /Akutsu/Ryoma. T for bad language and other hints./


**Disclaimer: Once again, I don't think Konomi-sensei ever thought of doing this to them.**

**Warning: This is total crack and made when I was high… On a lot of stuffs. Beware of idiocy and all the mistakes concerning grammar and spelling.

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**Pairing: Ryoma/Akutsu (Yep, in that order. :D)**

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It was rather strange really. One moment he had just come to one of those 'Tennis Players Party's (which in most cases is just your regular 'get drunk and pass out' thing) and the other… Well, the other 'moment' was a mix of everything and black spots in his memory.

_Damn, fuck, crap, shit, damn…. Never again, never again I'm I going to a party that Sengoku has approved off. Mothe- _"Huh?" his inner Sengoku bashing stopped when he had woken up enough to understand that he couldn't move his hands.

That is, couldn't let them down. As if… Something was preventing them to… "Are those fucking handcuffs? Pink? _What. The. Hell_?"Akutsu allowed his mouth to hang open, (a first in his whole life actually. As far as he remembered at least.) "I'll kill them. Sengoku first, then them." He growled low in his throat.

Lucky for him, or maybe not, he didn't get much of a hangover after getting drunk so much that he had to pass out. He pulled his body up and stared at the horrible (_**horrible**_) fluffy pink handcuffs, binding his wrists to the bedpost. Who the hell had done this? And more importantly, who could have done this to _him_? Because as far as he knew (once again) there was no one that had any love interest towards him. Because, obviously, whoever did this to him (not only the cuffs) had to be in love. Or something…

Dan didn't count. He was just… Slightly obsessed; let's say it like that.

He gave up trying to break the pink things and looked around the room; maybe something could help him to get out? Or maybe not. The room was pretty empty actually. Only a pile of his clothes on the floor, a tennis racquet near the door and a piece sink? Ok, now that was stra- Wait… A pile of _his _clothes on the floor?

"But then…" Akutsu furrowed his brows, mind working trying to wrap around the situation. "If my clothes are there than what am I wear… ing…?" he had looked at himself and gone mute. "Holy motherfucking flying fucking cow shit."

Someone will die. And fast. And painfully._ Someone_ will die. Tonight.

Whoever had the courage (and a serious lack of brains) had taken off his clothes (Yeah, we got that already.. *roll eyes*) and put a leopard-print g-string on him. _Tiny_ leopard-print g-string. No wonder he had felt kind of chilly for a good time now.

"Fuck." The whirlwind of images from yesterday (?) flooded in his head once again. The he heard a loud crash from downstairs or maybe just right outside the door and a storm of laughs. "Still the party? Then.."

The door was opened wide open, a drunken Ryoma, dressed in a_ girl's _sailor uniform by the way, standing in the doorway, a bottle of something (clearly not a children's champagne) hanging loosely from his hand. He looked pretty normal actually, for someone drunk, though, he swayed a bit. None the less, Akutsu had to wonder, how come his sempais allowed the brat to get to this state. Especially the one that spasms a lot.

Ryoma focused on Akutsu, a grin crawling on his lips and said to himself: "Oh… You're up." He even sounded normal. After that he closed the door and turned to face Akutsu again, this time a strange glint was in his eyes. "That's good. We can start now."

"Start what?" Akutsu was _not_ up for any shit that the brat had in mind.

Ryoma blinked a couple of times and tilted his head on one side, confusion coloring his face. He looked some more at Akutsu and then quietly mumbled: "You said you'll let me top you."

If it would be possible Akutsu eyeballs would now be flying somewhere in outer space and it felt like his jaw had been dislocated a bit.

"You. Have either drunken too much or someone beat your head with a baseball bat. Over and over again." He glared the fiercest glare he could muster up; the damn g-string was rather uncomfortably cutting in his butt crack. "I would never, I repeat _**never**_, have promised _you_ of all people something like that. Now untie me you asshole." He glares at the skirt wearing drunkard. He was beginning to look kind of cute actually.

Ryoma moved closer, the bottle swaying as he walked, and when he was close enough to the bed he sat on it. (For a moment there, Akutsu could spot pink colored underwear.) He made a cute pout and pointed a finger at Akutsu. "You promised. I have proof." And took a gulp from the bottle.

"I don't trust witnesses, they _lie_. And can be bribed." Akutsu tried to pull his hands one more time; the damn pink cuffs were stronger than they looked.

A smirk flashed on Ryoma's face as he pulled out a voice recorder (From where, that's up to you to guess.) and pushed the play button. "Fuji-sempai said that I should be ready for this. Hah!"

"_Akutsu?_" Fuji's overly happy voice fluttered from the recorder, "_Will you sleep with Ryoma tonight please? We, minus Tezuka and Momo and.. What was his name again.. Umm.._" It seemed that Ryoma wasn't the only one too drunken to think normally from his team.

"_Oishi-sempai, Fuji-sempai?_" Ryoma was giggling?

A sigh, "_Yes, yes… The one that we tied to the toilet in the bathroom and made Kirihara-kun watch him, yes. Now where was I? Ah, I remembered… Sex with Ryoma. Will you do it?_" There was someone yelling in the background. Sounded strangely like Atobe.

"_Yeah, yeah… I'll screw him… But before that, where is the goddamn sink, I need to puke in it._" Ok, screwing the brat could be done, but nothing has been said about him bottoming until this part. And Ryoma still looked rather smug. For a drunk teen.

And then there was Ryoma's voice again, "_I'll be on the top._"

"_Yeah, yeah… You can top, whatever. But where is THE GODDAMN SINK IN THIS HOUSE!_"Oh god he said it! He really said it!

Fuji was laughing again, "_Now isn't that nice Ryoma. You won't be a front virgin anymore._" Why did that sound really disturbing coming from the mouth of Fuji? "_We should congratulate sometime after this._"

At this point Ryoma turned off the recorder and crawled to sit in Akutsu's lap, not that he minded much, and smiled. "You even wore the g-string for me." He drank some of the liquor again. And an evil glint appeared in his eyes while he licked his lips. "Let's get started now, shall we?"

His g-string snapped in half.

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**A/N: smF PQV'MVGIOROPOT3HCGVI874586 2;SPO! **

**This is such crack that I even have no words to describe it! How the hell did I manage to write it with a straight face! How!**

**And yes, UekiKosuke is partly responsible. She was the one who gave me the idea. And if you want, then maybe (**_**maybe**_**) I will do another one from the party, but not with poor Akutsu and Ryoma. Other characters, like Atobe and Fuji and Oishi (who is probably still together with the toilet.)**

**But, we shall see.**

**P.S. THIS IS SUCH CRACK! HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE READ THIS! O.O **


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